As we consider the TV offerings of the past year, a handful of series stand out not for their brilliance, but for their spectacular shortcomings. From awkward spin-offs to bafflingly bad docuseries, here are the productions that had us scratching our heads or just reaching for the remote.
Where to begin with this divisive follow-up? Burdened with dreadful writing, painful character development (we demand better for Miranda!), and a mere 71 seconds of beloved Samantha, the show fought to find its footing. For a moment, as the third season started, it seemed as if it had finally found its groove. Then came an episode all about Seema’s natural deodorant. Little surprise the showrunner announced this would be the last season. It concluded on a low point; the lingering shot of Miranda’s toilet flooded with poo was simply too on-the-nose. Yet, fans undeniably had a hoot picking apart every single “what on earth?” episode. And as Carrie – once again single – twirled around her sprawling townhouse to Barry White, who didn’t let out a small sob?
‘Can Kim Kardashian act? Of course she can’t.’
But that was practically the smallest of this drama's issues. The recipient of a exceedingly uncommon zero star review, it was difficult to know where to start enumerating the flaws. The laughably leaden writing? The tedious veneration of wealth and consumption? The seemingly wilful procession of tropes? Performances so bad they felt almost malicious? Suffice it to say “each and every one” and never speak of this series again. Except, a new season has been ordered, so we’re likely going to have to.
Given the legal troubles, abuse claims and fatherly shortcomings, it’s fair to say Charlie Sheen has been a bad boy. Not that you’d truly have gleaned it from this multi-part documentary which chuckled along at Sheen’s various episodes of reckless excess while struggling to tell us a single thing we weren't already aware of. Rather, it felt as if this volatile personality was being pandered to, so any sympathy this show might evoke should be saved for the people who have had to suffer proximity with this charismatic but dismissive narcissist.
Of course we understood it was ridiculous from the outset: a drama about a supercomputer known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either solve global crises – or destroy all of humanity. We stuck with it out of pure love for its stars … but by the end, it felt like even they had stopped bothering. One scarcely reacted when his character died, and the other ultimately slicing Charlie with an axe … in painfully slow-motion. That's what you call giving up the ghost.
Shady figures meeting in empty boxing gyms? The Prodigy’s Firestarter blaring in club scenes? The late 90s called and demands its gangland drama back.
Actually, that is harsh on the crime shows of the late 90s. Many seem a little dated now, but at least they didn’t endure the embarrassment of having to accommodate unconvincing dialects. But there were many other issues. Primarily that it was just really dull; a conflict over drug-selling territory between various London picaresques which seemed rather simplistic.
Considering the extent to which she grinds the gears of certain ostentatiously enraged commentators, it’s almost tempting to admire the Duchess of Sussex’s various ventures into quaint lifestyle as intentional provocations. But then you view them and are compelled to admit that actually, they may have a point. It’s like watching a homeware magazine animated; a meme for evening drinks with delusions of grandeur; a procession of sleeping dogs, buzzing beehives, sentimental platitudes and forgettable crafting “hacks” you’ll forget instantly. All underpinned by vast, mostly unearned wealth. Ugh.
There are clearly fascinating things to be said about regarding Victoria Beckham and her journey with vocation, identity, self-acceptance. But for whatever reason, this documentary series chose not to explore them. Rather, the experience was like reading a marketing catalogue. She clearly has good reason to bridle at what she describes as her “stern” image. But sadly, she failed to do herself any helps with this guarded non-event of a series.
It should have been the next cultural phenomenon – except even camper, with a famous star as a deceased benefactor and a well-known personality managing her inheritance. What more could you want? As contestants battled it out, there was plenty of betrayal and arguing. But the rules quickly became bewildering: it’s still too confusing to explain what precisely was happening. Even more regrettably, we only saw brief appearances of the star via filmed videos. The series ended up smelling of a programme that was straining desperately to emulate something way beyond it.
How does one succeed a show that defined a generation? The expectation was immense for this starry romcom about Jessica, a rosy-eyed New Yorker who arrives in London with a shattered romance. The lead actress seized the opportunity by the horns and was a delight to watch, reveling in Austen levels of romantic notions. But it was all very glossy and, paradoxically, was not enough. Plus, the abundance of celebrity cameos involved felt uncomfortable.
Not even good enough to be ‘uneven’.
Given the shrewd inclusion of talented younger comics, expectations were high. But unhappily, most of it didn’t land. A particular sketch was a single joke milked to a husk but repeated in every episode. One star seemed too willing to slip into a familiar ranting mode. The behind-the-scenes sketches, meanwhile, simply inspired the thought that they should probably have remained in there a while longer.
This retelling of the story of Amanda Knox was executive produced by Amanda Knox and pretty much solely presented the perspective of Amanda Knox. So, while there undoubtedly is an compelling drama to be made about the tragic 2007 murder, this was not it. The material needed to be handled with care. Rather, the series struggled painfully to find the right voice, lurching from oddly jaunty, somewhat stylised farce to inevitably, real-life horror. Complex? Perhaps. A complete mess? Absolutely.
We love the star … but did we buy him playing the most brilliant maths genius since, a man so intelligent he’s on the brink of a discovery that could ruin society? No! This international thriller about government agencies spying on – and eliminating – academics honestly got more farcical by the second. Formulaic nonsense.
This uncritical portrait followed the content creator renowned for sexual escapades as she undertook her most extreme challenge yet. What on earth would motivate her? What we wanted was far greater interrogation of her true psyche, plus those of the men in the line. They could at least have interviewed the now-famous mum who showed up to haul her son away from the queue. What we got was disturbing shots and zero interrogation of her notoriety whatsoever. And to think, the documentary-maker has a teenage daughter too.
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